Living Authentically

I often discuss with clients the need to find the authentic self, to act, not from the place of hurt child or out of control adult, but from a place of authenticity.  It’s not an easy place to find, never mind hold onto especially when we are in the middle of an argument or painful situation. We know it when we find it though, for it creates response, rather than reaction. It feels solid and safe and rather than inviting attack it allows both ourselves and all others with whom we are communicating the space to breathe and create positively.

When we are being authentic, we are not chucking grenades from behind our protective barriers established since childhood. We are not acting under the influence of a faulty belief pattern that says for instance “Don’t rock the boat” “Always win, never fail” or very commonly, “I am not worthy.” We are not trying to gauge what someone or some particular situation requires us to be, but rather connecting with the truth behind the situation and within ourselves. Not easy to do occasionally, never mind consistently. But there is help out there.

Robert Rabbin is an author who used to live in Australia but has now returned to his native United States. His latest book, which is promoted by his blog, is called The Authenticity Accelerator. In it he identifies the following 5 Principles – 10 words for authentic living:

1. Be Present
2. Pay Attention
3. Listen Deeply
4. Speak Truthfully
5. Act Creatively

Robert says of the 5 Principles, “I have field tested them for many years, in more circumstances and conditions than I can remember, while travelling throughout the world. They work. They take you straight to the wellspring of revelation, profound insight and magical action. The rest is up to you; after all you have to self-author your own authentic life.”

I Am That I Am

So the carnival of sport is over for another 4 years and if I enjoyed the Olympics, I absolutely loved the Paralympic Games. I worked for the Australian Paralympic Committee for 5 years and the Olympic Games were always jokingly referred to as the “warm-up” event. This time in London, however, I really think that is exactly how it panned out.  The crowds were unprecedented and Channel 4 the commercial host broadcasters had to increase their coverage due to public demand. If some came to stare, the overwhelming response seems to have been to support, to marvel and to be uplifted – just as with able-bodied sport.

Many clients I see have issues with self-acceptance and self -love. While I often give them personalized mantras, I sometimes suggest that they repeat the very simple Theta Healing statement: I Am That I Am. This is a wonderfully empowering phrase. It says I accept who I am; it speaks to the strength of our deeper, soul-based self and then ultimately it connects us with the greater energy of 'All That Is’.

And to me these Paralympic Games seemed to be the athletes saying a mighty “I am that I am” to the world. Accept me as I accept myself and honour me not for what you see as missing but for what you now know I carry inside. 

None of us are whole. All of us can benefit from accepting ourselves, forgiving ourselves and the world for our life situation and replacing our negative mind narrative with the simple truth: I AM THAT I AM.

Self Love, Self Healing

I often say to clients that healing begins with self-love. We then discuss how that is also one of the most challenging states to achieve. Self-hate, self-criticism, self-sabotage we can all manage admirably but self-love – can’t even get our heads around where to begin with that one.

When there has been an emotionally or physically absent parent (or two) the child blames itself. It says, “if only I was more lovable, if only I was better.” That message, which is a ‘faulty belief’ is so strong, so deeply accepted, that often as adults we can’t hear beyond it. If someone does compliment us or tell us we are lovable, we don’t trust their message – “They must just be saying that!” – “I know that isn’t true and one day they will find that out too.” So then we either choose to attract people who confirm our original belief, someone who puts us down, or we choose to work hard to hide the truth of ourselves from the person who amazingly loves us. Yet the truth at our centre is always the safest place, the authentic most loving place.

I prepare mantras for clients which offer positive statements to replace the negative, nagging narrative the mind prefers to run supporting the faulty belief of our flawed self. Some struggle even to read the words, never mind say them out loud, so strange is it to be telling yourself that you deserve to be loved, you deserve to be praised, you deserve to be nurtured. The next step down the track is to say regularly to yourself “I love you.” The next is to remove the concept of two separate entities and to merge identity into your greatest self with the statement, “I love me”. And the final step is the wonderful realization that at our core we all carry the essence of creation and the Creator – then we can state simply and with immeasurable strength “I AM LOVE!”

The Elite Athlete Journey

I confess to being a real Olympic Games’s junkie. While I find the jingoism and the commercialisation nauseating, I love the drama of the Games, the excitement and energy, the joy and the wonder at what a human body can do. As James Magnusson, the Australian swimmer, found out they can also be about evolving and growing as a human being – and that after all is what we are all here to do. Fortunately not many of us have to do it before a global media, largely determined to peddle negativity and judgement.

Unfortunately by the time many talented sports people reach representative honours it seems that often the unadulterated pleasure they first discovered in being able to make their body perform in balance and agility has been lost to the awful “F” words – fear of failure. There is a subtle difference between urging someone to be the best they can be and demanding of them that they always provide only their best.

Wouldn’t it be better if from the start we were saying to talented athletes of all ages, “Young man/lady you are a really amazing cricketer/runner/netballer, celebrate that, enjoy yourselves and commit totally to that journey. But this is just an nth of who you are. This oval/pitch/court/pool does not define you, your limitations or your potential.

And tell yourself as parents that your child being good at sport does not mean that you are somehow superior members of the species – just blessed to be able to share the journey with well co-ordinated children!

Perhaps rather than asking elite athletes to name their greatest moments - invariably their walks to the winner’s podium – we should encourage them to define their most sublime moment. That instant in the 68^th lap of a 5km pool session when body merged with mind and soul and self realisation cemented self worth.  Or the moment in a quad-burning attack on a sand dune when teammates gelled into one unified organism. 

Everyone who has ever played sport recognises that feeling and it’s the reason they love their sport. It’s the perfect wave, the right shot played at precisely the right time when body bypassed mind chatter and instinct took over. 

If we treat the experience of being a sports-person as only a path within the greater journey that is life, it can be a wonderful way for young people to learn many of life’s lessons and to gain understanding of themselves, human nature and the power of body, mind and, yes, soul. It is an opportunity to see the illusion inherent in sport (it is after all only a game), and to do it anyway.

We Are All One

Despite being a deeply spiritual person, I am not a supporter of organized religion. As a child I went to church regularly but growing up in Northern Ireland during the 70’s and 80’s, I loved the ritual but not the hyprocrisy. I enjoyed the sense of community but not the implicit separation from other communities my faith seemed to demand. Communities which, as I got older I realized, looked, sounded and suffered very much like mine.

Whist the ‘Troubles’ in Northern Ireland have ceased, it seems this message of separation and distrust of those who worship differently is more manifest in the world than ever. Why is it that around man's drive to understand the eternal questions of "Who are we?" and "Where do we come from?" that we so often learn to find difference and choose separation?

The new higher vibrational energy coming through at the moment is very much focused on the fundamental concept that “We are all One.” It calls for a spirituality beyond the confines of man’s designs and structures and his need to separate, judge and set himself apart. It asks him to replace fear with trust.  Replace his continual search for power, with a meaningful search for connection. It invites each and every one of us to make connection with the “Source” on a personal and profound level. It also asks that we understand and honour our connection with all other people, regardless of their faith, race or political persuasion.  Quite simply “We are all one.”

Anticipate Tomorrow

A while ago I had a lovely little client who was in her first year at primary school. When we finished up I asked her what she had on at school the next day. She looked at me as if I was mad, so I offered some suggestions – maybe she had reading, or numbers or sport. Again she looked at me in bemusement before saying, “Oh I don’t know. Every day is a surprise to me!”

Now maybe her teacher who spends hours planning her lessons would not have been overly impressed to hear that, but I thought what a wonderful way to live. 

For most of us life is so complicated that a lot of time is spent continually devising and revising our ‘to do’ lists. As we race around, checking off kids’ activities, completing work lists and meeting partner’s needs surely the last thing we need is to be surprised by something un-planned for.

But what if our lives are so over- agenda ridden that we are missing the subtle and gentle nudges of the universe to respond to its energy. Imagine what life would feel like if we waited with anticipation to see what tomorrow brings rather than dread that we won’t get through the workload. What if every so often we let a day surprise us?

Once when my daughter was about 10 she and I set off for a road trip without any plans as to where we were heading or where we would sleep that night. She was flabbergasted at first and took a while to relax but then she announced, “We must be on an adventure.”  Surprise, adventure, anticipation – we don't have to leave them behind in childhood.

Global Consciousness

One of the websites I have logged in my ‘favourites’ box is the Global Consciousness Project which records the results of a 12 year experiment being run out of Princeton University. Following the outpouring of grief worldwide at the death of Princess Diana, the project’s originators decided that they should attempt to measure whether, 'when galvanised by significant events, a coherent world consciousness exists.'

The team has placed Random Number Generators at 70 locations around the world. As the website explains these “produce completely unpredictable sequences of zeroes and ones. But when a great event synchronizes the feelings of millions of people,[the] network of RNGs becomes subtly structured. The probability is less than one in a billion that the effect is due to chance.” 


So far results are listed for over 400 events. These range from natural disasters to World Meditation Days, from moments of major political upheaval to each New Year’s Eve. While I haven’t got a clue about the maths behind such terms as the Stouffer Z graph, it is quite easy to understand the basic data and when a major event happens it is interesting to check out if it had an impact on a global scale.

The next question then is if global consciousness exists, what are we adding? Fed by the media’s insistence on bringing us every piece of misery or salacious gossip from around the world is it fear and anger and a sense of separation or is it positive acceptance? When Facebook and Twitter are the embodiment of a global community, are we raising human consciousness up or dragging it down? And can we make a difference? Absolutely and always! Each individual’s input may be small but it is always significant, always powerful - it is the drop of water that carves through rock! As Caroline Myss puts it “Every thought is a tool. Every thought is a prayer.”

Estonian Singing Revolution

Last week I came across a piece of recent history that I had somehow missed. Watching the History of the Eurovision Contest, which I might add turned out to be surprisingly interesting, I heard for the first time about the Singing Revolution of Estonia.

Estonia is one of the three small Balkan states, along with Latvia and Lithuania that were forcibly subsumed into the Soviet empire following World War II. Estonia has long had a strong tradition of folk singing, with a choral festival running since 1869, so when Gorbachev ushered in the era of ‘Perestroika’ and the sniff of leniency was in the air, the people of Estonia took to the streets, not to protest, march or burn flags but to sing.

“We sang all night and everybody went home early in the morning. It was emotionally so strong that the next day there were even more people. The day after, there were even more people. People took out their hidden flags. They had these flags hidden for 50 years and now they took these out and started to wave them.”
Artur Talvik, participant.

Throughout the summer of 1987 over 10,000 people gathered each evening in the Festival grounds of the capital Tallinn to sing. By September 1988 they were able to organise a gathering of 300,000 people to form a massive choir sending a message reverberating all the way back to Moscow. This Youtube promo for a documentary on the revolution catches the energy of the period. 

In another act of peaceful protest over 1.5 million people joined hands to form the ‘Balkan Chain’ along the 600 km route linking up the three capitals of Estonia, Latvia and Lithuania. At one point Russian tanks rolled into the country but the order to fire never came so the people kept singing. In 1991 the Estonian Parliament declared independence without a shot being fired.

I was just blown away by the courage and commitment of ordinary people to have a voice, literally. And what wonderful evidence of the power in choosing to raise the vibration above confrontation and align with the positive energy of the universe.

Small Beginnings

As it was Mother's Day on Sunday I thought I should offer something on mothering. The following is a precis of a piece I wrote a few years ago for a magazine, on my experience of having a premature baby - 27 weeks.  The fight for survival of these tiny little beings, who look like old men and women, and grow into chubby babies  is both heart wrenching and awe inspiring at the same time.  This Birth Stories website offers some great accounts from families, of the stress of premature birth and the wonder of their tiny baby's survival.

Fifteen years ago I gave birth to a chicken fillet, or at least that is what he looked like. Ejected from my womb 13 weeks too early my 900g baby boy was scrawny, wrinkly and – well  - chook-like.

The nurses advised that we needed to mourn for the image of a healthy, full-term baby we had incubated smugly in our minds since deciding we were ready to start a family. They should have added that at some point I would also have to forgive myself and let go of the sense of failure.

Like many crises we witnessed the best and worst of people: from the negativity of some of my work colleagues deciding not to have a collection “just in case”, to the incredibly optimistic gift of a 1.8 metre height chart. There was the dedicated medical staff and the wholly insensitive “Oh you’re lucky to have the hospital looking after your baby while you are out and about”!

And in fact there was the rub. With my first-born fighting for life in a hospital incubator, I was “Mother” but how could people know. I stared at heavily pregnant women and pushed past those with a pram of pastels, as for ten long weeks we existed in limbo.

Then there was the intimate relationship with an electric breast pump. Once I was informed that the milk of a pre-term baby’s mother is constituted to provide the fatty acids and antibodies that should have been delivered in utero, I was obsessed. Occasionally now I try to perk the ’girls’ up by telling them they once produced a litre a day!

Other side-effects: I do feel an inordinate amount of pride when my six foot, handsome teenager regularly consumes his birth weight in chicken fillets! 

Conscious Eating

  My son is currently meeting the Live below the Line Challenge, raising money for charity by living off $2 per day for 5 days. He has eaten a lot of porridge, rice and lentils and while not suffering too many hunger pangs, the big shift for him has been an awareness of how much he normally shovels in, often without thinking. 

  I noticed this morning that he left bits of rice in the colander and in the saucepan, which is fine because he knows come Saturday, he will have money in his pocket and a range of food to choose from in the pantry. But it reminded me how in his autobiography Mao’s Last Dancer, Li Cunxin told of his anger at such waste in the west. To his family, living in poverty in rural China, every single grain of rice was to be treasured.

  For a while now I have been trying to eat more consciously – savouring the flavours and textures and just being aware that I am blessed never to go hungry. Why did I take that for granted for so long? Why do we take so much of our lives for granted? Because we never stop to savour what we do have – we are too busy stressing about and energising what we think we don’t have. However one of the laws of the universe is an incredibly simple equation: like attracts like. The sad truth is that if we perceive ‘lack’ and ‘need’ in our lives then that is precisely the energy and emotion we attract.

  Conversely if we take time to count our blessings (cliche I know) and to celebrate how much we actually have going for us, we attract abundance in all its many forms. So instead of rushing through the next meal with the mind running the “Right what’s next……” scenario, stop and contemplate the sheer joy of knowing "Right now, in this moment my family and I have enough!"

PS: Check out this great recipe I tried recently for  Dahl  - the dish eaten by more people in the world than any other. Have it as a soup or thicker with rice or as a dip - cheap and delicious.

Celtic re-charge

Hi, I had hoped to be able to write this during my trip back to my homeland but my parents don't have internet connection and it all got a bit too hard. Anyway, my 15 year old daughter Tara and I had a great time, reconnecting with family and friends and our celtic roots.

Tara was born on the same date as my dad - she used to say "Me and drandpa's twins!" - and I was reminded that they share many traits, not least a wicked sense of humour and mischief. It was also wonderful to catch up with my mum and  two sisters who regardless of distance are my main support system and great friends.

We did some travelling around and I have placed some pics on another page of this blog. I had forgotten how beautiful Ireland is and how strong her pull on my energy can be. It has taken two weeks now to re-engage with Australia and to gently release Ireland's pull. I know however that I am never fully un-plugged - my healing and understanding is fed and sourced from my Celtic genes. Friends and clients here say that I look energised - so maybe I had been away too long. Maybe as Michael O'Loughlin's indigenous relatives said to him on "Who do you think you are" the other night - "Not good to be too long away from Country."

Working Through Change

Well that was a bit of a false start. Getting settled after the house move, and the ensuing battle with Telstra to get my phone and email working again, took much longer than expected. I think moving house is a bit like having a baby - you think "Yeah I could do that again" and then in the middle of it you are going "What was I thinking!!" Anyway all organised now and feeling good about our new location, despite the effort involved.

Change and transition are hard work and an important part of life. Yet for many people change is a very frightening proposition and something to be avoided at all costs. The mind will do anything to talk us into staying the same, doing the same things with the same people, repeating the same patterns and running the same (often negative) narrative in our heads. It teaches us to fear the unknown, especially if that unknown involves some effort on our part. It whispers to us to fear creating a different future even when the known present is making us completely miserable.

To decide to grow in this life, however, necessarily invokes change and calls on us to be brave. We can be baby-step brave or sky-diving fearless, but we should always remember that as world renowned author Caroline Myss says, "What is frightening is really the safe path. What looks safe is your fear talking".

Happy 2012!

Like many people, I enjoy the energy of a New Year and this January I am off to a flying start. In two weeks I am moving house, I have just started working full-time as a healer, and as you can see I have commenced a blog.  Through it I hope to share some of the challenges, advice and experiences I glean as I sometimes jog, sometimes meander, and often stop for refreshments, along the winding spiritual path.

There is a great deal happening at present, make no mistake this is going to be an eventful year. The energy being downloaded is new and very powerful. If we are open to it our vibrations will be raised and we will come closer to fulfilling our spiritual potential.  However for those individuals, institutions, and even nations who are committed to the old ways of acting and thinking, it may well be a rough ride. We have to find new ways to do and be, and propping up old behaviours and systems is not the answer.

So here’s to a year of wonderful opportunities and growth. It's going to be fun!